wrote this 2 days ago, now all history the and im back on my feet AGAIN ;)

“Can’t believe that I’m a fool again” know this song???? Well….the only different in my case is that this has nothing to do with love, but just me always been a stupid fool for no reason, stupid….stupid…stupid….Hahaha…..imagining someone I know that always talk in this way. I wrote a reminder in my hand phone, just want to remind myself of not being a stupid fool again.

I ask myself, am I so stupid that I always find myself in the losing side and jeopardizing myself and stirring up my whole body chemistry upside down, in and out. Why???? Why?? Why??? I just pray that God will send me angels to lift up the burden on me now, I don’t want this feeling. I also ask myself, am I quenching the Holy Spirit in me??? Causing myself to be in this situation. Oh….Help me Lord Holy Spirit, to face whatever withstand in front of me that I can be the man God wants me to be, this is my prayer for myself. I had enough, I don’t want to be a clown anymore, I want to be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so overwhelming that I will have sweet dreams every night and even laugh to myself when I am waiting for the bus or even smiling at the birds that are flying over the sky singing melodies to me early in the morning as I start my day with a good walk down to the bus stop(that’s if I’m not rushing, hehehe….).

Looking at my hand phone I really don’t know who to call or sms. At this time, someone came into my mind – Kelvin. I remember that he said he will always be there and will always answer my call, he even gave me Rm50 and said that this money is for me to buy call card to talk with him, should I call him now??/ (Malaysian time 6.18am).Hmmm…..Yes, I think I’ll call him later after I do my devotion.

Pray for me that I can stand and act strong in the will of God – not looking to left and right but just focusing on God as I ran this race. Suddenly, I thought of my purpose in Russia. The calling that I had in my 1st year, that is to be a missionary in disguise. I am here to experience the guidance of God but not to live my life according to my own will.

I guess this experience reminded me to stay in the light and path of the Holy Spirit. To trust in Him and live a life that Glorifies God and I mean really Glorifying Him. Bless me with determination, perseverance and strength Lord, in the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Jehovah Jireh - My Provider

This blog is to share to You all how our provider God had Bless The GideonKnights – Shaun, Evan, Me and Janis. First let me tell You all were each and everyone of us are now. Shaun – Nilai Seremban, Evan – Swinburne University, Melbourne, Australia, Me – Volgograd State Med University(cha-pa-lank uni, hahaha……), Volgograd, Russia and Janis – Poly-technique University, Singapore.

A great thank you to God and also of course of my Wonderful and Amazing Papa and Mama, whom worked so hard for us that now all of us as siblings have the opportunity to go around the world for our studies. I appreciate and always remember for all that they had and will still continue to be doing for each and everyone of us. Thanks Papa for your penchant (not sure I got the spelling correct or not, hehehe…) and mum for all your hard work and night classes, running here and there one after the other, we the GideonKnights remember every sweat and tears that was dropped on the ground for us.

Remembering what my mum told us about her testimony when she had a dilemma to serve the Lord in the ministry of Hiding Place, worrying about our family’s future financial need but guess what God answered in Matt 7:25 – Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Then it continues to say about the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store in barns, and yet our heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? That’s why I want to take this opportunity to thank my God in heaven for all His Blessings to us, no matter financially or spiritually. Also a special thanks to people in our life that always stretch out a helping hand to us. With great gratitude from my heart I pray that God Bless You all. Once again thank God, my Jehovah Jireh for He is our provider. Amen !!!!

A need for update from the writer - kHoO_7^@N

I told myself last night before I went to sleep. “Ok, no matter what I’m going to update my blog today” hehehe……And yes, that’s what I’m doing now. Well…..weather wise it’s now Spring and flowers are blossoming at the same time the weather also getting not warmer and warmer but hotter and hotter. Gosh…..I always and will still always prefer the autumn and winter cool and superb cold weather, haha…..Like now it’s 24’C out there and I was sweating while playing futsal (long time didn’t really sweat until like that d). Our team got our first defeat today, 3-0. But it was really a tough game, our opponents were really strong and skillful, so no complain, hehehe…..(so many excuses, hahaha…)

My life??? To all my friends out there, please continue to pray for me. Because some how I felt that something have been missing in my life – the true and wonderful fellowship in a believer’s life. I miss those days where we always look out for each other and also understand each other even though things are not said out. Yes I do attend church, fellowship, Bible Study and also serving in the fellowship. However, the overwhelming joy and anticipation in serving each other in the fellowship seems to be missing. Today’s sermon was a refreshing one to me, I pray to God that I can put it into true practice in order for me to search back that overwhelming Joy from God and the Almighty alone.

Emmanuel – I know that God is always there with me and for me, same thing with YOU. God Bless, Ivan ;)