wrote this 2 days ago, now all history the and im back on my feet AGAIN ;)

“Can’t believe that I’m a fool again” know this song???? Well….the only different in my case is that this has nothing to do with love, but just me always been a stupid fool for no reason, stupid….stupid…stupid….Hahaha…..imagining someone I know that always talk in this way. I wrote a reminder in my hand phone, just want to remind myself of not being a stupid fool again.

I ask myself, am I so stupid that I always find myself in the losing side and jeopardizing myself and stirring up my whole body chemistry upside down, in and out. Why???? Why?? Why??? I just pray that God will send me angels to lift up the burden on me now, I don’t want this feeling. I also ask myself, am I quenching the Holy Spirit in me??? Causing myself to be in this situation. Oh….Help me Lord Holy Spirit, to face whatever withstand in front of me that I can be the man God wants me to be, this is my prayer for myself. I had enough, I don’t want to be a clown anymore, I want to be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so overwhelming that I will have sweet dreams every night and even laugh to myself when I am waiting for the bus or even smiling at the birds that are flying over the sky singing melodies to me early in the morning as I start my day with a good walk down to the bus stop(that’s if I’m not rushing, hehehe….).

Looking at my hand phone I really don’t know who to call or sms. At this time, someone came into my mind – Kelvin. I remember that he said he will always be there and will always answer my call, he even gave me Rm50 and said that this money is for me to buy call card to talk with him, should I call him now??/ (Malaysian time 6.18am).Hmmm…..Yes, I think I’ll call him later after I do my devotion.

Pray for me that I can stand and act strong in the will of God – not looking to left and right but just focusing on God as I ran this race. Suddenly, I thought of my purpose in Russia. The calling that I had in my 1st year, that is to be a missionary in disguise. I am here to experience the guidance of God but not to live my life according to my own will.

I guess this experience reminded me to stay in the light and path of the Holy Spirit. To trust in Him and live a life that Glorifies God and I mean really Glorifying Him. Bless me with determination, perseverance and strength Lord, in the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.